I've got something to say

4 years

2006-01-19T11:29:00.000-05:00

Today is Chris and I's 4 yr wedding anniversay! Seems like so much longer.. I guess cause we dated for 8 yrs before we were married! LOL.. But I have to say it has been a wonderful 12 years! I never thought that you could love someone more every day. That you could truely enjoy being with someone all the time and want to hear about their day- good and bad. But I do. I really enjoy every momemt we get to spend together. Granted somedays are much harder than others to get in an adult conversation but after reading a friends Blog (thanks Jamie!) I think I might just start getting up earlier with him - I am not a morning person at all but I miss having him all to myself some days - and with E just 14 days away from joining us I worry we will only have less time for us if we dont develop a new schedule now!

So wish me luck! I'm going to try and get up before 7am! LOL

20 days!

2006-01-13T15:19:00.000-05:00

Thats how many days I have left till lil E joins our family! I am so ready!! I am SO SO over working esp right now as one of our producers is about to get my big ol shrek foot up his rear!

Oh yea - did I tell you - my feet are huge!! like Shrek size - I am SO swollen I am wearing my Dh dog walking slip on shoes to work! How very sad is that? my normal size 8.5 or 9 is now in my DH 11's!! OY!

I am very hormonal today and just want to injure someone or go back to bed so I figured I'd come here real fast and say hello to you all and let you know I still love you I'm just crabby!

but for the grace of god I will only have to be this crabby for 20 more days!!!!!

Home Stretch

2006-01-06T09:53:00.000-05:00

Only 28 more days till Lil Ethan joins the Cooke Clan! And I couldnt be happier! I am so ready for him to just be here- not that I dont love being pregnant but there are days I feel like such an island - size wise and in the sense that poor Chris is missing out on so much.. he doesnt get to feel the lil bumps and thumps that I think make a mothers bond so strong before the child is ever born.. I feel like I have this secret that no one else knows about..

I will also say that the Carpel tunnel, acid reflux, swelling, the being winded from tying my shoes and now possible Preclamsia (sp?) are not making me want to stay pregnant much longer! At least both of my boys have waited till the last minute to cause trouble - Jacob waited till 36 weeks before we realized I was diabetic and by then nothing could be done except monitor him and take him early.. Ethan waited till 33 weeks before he started with the Carpel tunnel and now I'm at 35 weeks with the possible diagnosis of preclamsia.. which I guess is just High blood pressure in pregnancy - I need to look it up some more.. everyone says its really dangerous but honestly I am not very worried - maybe I should be I just feel like everything will be ok.. I mean even my high BP rate was lower than some peoples normal BP - it was 160/70.. I just normally run about 100/60 so Dr was worried.. plus the swelling has him concerned. Oh well.. only 3 more weeks!!

finally over..

2006-01-04T09:31:00.000-05:00

As much as I love the holidays I have to say I am so happy they are over! All that family togetherness starts to get to me after a while - not my direct family but my mom, my SIL and so on.. as much as I love them I have had my fill.. plus it seems all I have done all month was spend money and with the new one on the way that is the last thing we needed to be doing!

Lets see.. jacob turned 3 on the 16th and we had a small party at home for him that weekend - he as usual got more toys than one child needs esp a week before christmas but was so very cute all day I had to let him enjoy his special day even if no one but my dad and BIL sent checks as we have been asking in leiu of toys.. He got some great new batman toys and cars and ran around all day in his batman mask and I swear he is so darn cute some days I just dont know what to do!

Then we had Christmas eve at my sister and BIL's house big dinner with presents for the kids and an adult chinene gift swap which was fun and Jacob was with a baby for the 1st time - my friend Alisa just had a baby in Nov and she brought him to dinner and Jacob was SO sweet and gentle, gave me such a glimmer of hope for how he will be with Ethan.

We were up till 1 am Christmas night wrapping gifts cause as usual I waited till teh last minute to do anything - poor Chris was up till 3am cause he couldnt wrap mine while I was up and then he was to wired to go to sleep. and Jacob crawled into our bed at 7am and must have walked right by the tree loaded with gifts but never even noticed it Chris told him it was Christmas and he 1/2 opened his eyes and then Chris said Santa had been there and his eyes shot open like bullets! he couldnt wait to get out of bed.. so Chris went out 1st and got the camera ready and then jacob and I left the room together. We opened our gifts to each other and then waited on the rest of our family to get there for breakfast and more gifts. everyone was gone by 1:30 and we just sat around the rest of the day - no big dinner or anything since we had a big breakfast

Boxing Day we went to my SIL house for dinner (roast, potatos, ect..) it was very good.. and more friends and family were there.. just hung out and pulled names for the NY stockings we exchange every year.

I had the week between xmas and new years off and spent it running errands, doing business stuff, and trying very hard to get organized! Then New years day we had a brunch at our house to do teh Stocking swap - again just more family and friends and although it was nice I was really over everyone telling Jacob what to do and how to be by the end of the day.

I have resolved to just start telling people off when they correct my child - if I am right there and dont think what he is doing is bothersome you have no right to correct him - butt out! if you want to correct kids go have your own!! He is 3 - I am picking my battles and quite frankly he is a great lil kid! so whatis he is loud some times - he is THREE and it is HIS house! he should have to be quiet as a church mouse so you can hear whats going on in the other room! Even he had had enough and when he was being corrected for the 100th time he said "stop it" and I couldnt help but laugh - but then again that is what made me resolve to stand up for him more - who cares if people think I am being a wench? HE needs to know I am always on his side!

Thanksgiving Pt 2

2005-12-16T12:18:00.000-05:00

Part two...

My husbands Brother and his family were here for Thanksgiving this year and it was the 1st time I had ever met BILs wife and the two kids - mind you they have been married for 16+ years and the kids are 14 and 13.. long story but all is well with the family again! :O)

So the day before Thanksgiving my SIL and I spend they day just tinkering at the house - scrapbooking and cooking what we can ect.. we got these really cool pans made of like paper you throw away and can be heated in the microwave or oven up to 425. well we thought these things were just amazing and must have commented 100 times on how cool they were and so long as you didnt go over 425 ect ect ect.. SIL made her Yams (from scratch!) and placed them in one of these nifty pans so they were ready to reheat in the micro then top and bake the next day - again we were just so impressed by this multi functional pan!

Thanksgiving day comes and we throw the Yams in the micro to warm them so they will take less time in the oven - they come out of the micro and SIL makes this amazing topping of butter, marshmellows, brown sugar and special K cereal. I have never had Yams and am drooling at the thought of eating these! We pop it in the oven and go about the business of carving the turkey ect.. well fast forward 30 min and all the other sides are ready to come out of the oven and dinner is ready to be served but the yam topping is still not crunchy. SO I look at SIL and say - what if we Broil it for like 2 min - that should crisp it up .. we both agree and set the broiler and the timer so we dont forget it - we check it after 2 min and its still not quite there - so we agree 2 more min and it should be perfect.. set the timer walk away.. well at this point I get as far as the dining room and go "OH CRAP" I walk back to the oven just in time to see smoke billiowing out of my brand new stove (just had this house built!) and open the door and the yams are on fire!! it is at this point that my SIL comes runing into the room looks in the oven and says "just shut the door it will put itself out" well now she and I are laughing so hard we are on the floor! mind you fire is still blazing! our husbands come rushing in and see us in a bent over stupor on the floor and quickly move to get the fire put out - all the while dying laughing at the two of us taking pictures and now video cause the smoke, the sound of the detectors and the two of us just loosing it was way to funny to not get on live action tape! So needless to say I adore my SIL and thinks she fits right in!!

my Mother in law

2005-12-13T16:00:00.000-05:00

In my recount of Thanksgiving this year I mentioned I had a few great stories for you - well in order to get to the best one I must start off with a little back story so you can appriciate the new one..

About 5 years ago my MIL and SIL were living with my DH and I - we had just had a brand new house built in South Florida when my mother in law (MIL) and her Great aunt with whom she was living had a falling out. MIL was going to go live with my sister in law (SIL) in Virginia but it was at that exact moment that my SIL lost her job.. now we have 2 homeless relatives on our hands - and lucky us we had 2 spare rooms.. SO MIL and SIL move in with us into our brand new house we had only been in for 2 weeks. I was not thrilled at this prospect but what can you do - they needed us and we are family.

My MIL is a bit of a drinker.. and that my friends is the understmt of the century - I am sure my recycle guy thought I was a booze hound! So while my SIL tried all day to find work my MIL would drink and read and basically take up space.

SO.. one night DH, SIL and I all go to the gym together and call the house to ask MIL to place a frozen pizza in the oven as we are on our way home and just famished.. now this is the point in the story it is important to know I have low blood sugar and me with out food is not a very pleasent scenerio. .. so as soon as I hang up the phone my SIL says did you tell her what to do - and I say yea I told her to put the pizza in the oven.. SIL gets this worried look on her face and I say what - she says.. nevermind.. so I dont think another thing about it.. until of course I open the door o my BRAND NEW HOUSE and am greated by something out of a freaking Chiech and Chong movie! Smoke is billowing out of the stove and people let me set this up for you.. MIL's back is to the oven at the breakfast table she has a book in one hand a glass of wine in the other and is NOT affected in the least by the smoke around her! I immediatly do what any saine person would do - go to the oven and open it up at that point the smoke detectors go off and I can see the pizza is on FIRE! I yell to my DH - It's on fire! and MIL never looks up from her book and says - "just shut the door it will put itself out." calm as can be! I look at my DH, shut the oven door and simply said "fix it" and walk into my bedroom and shut the door as I know I am about to say something I will never be able to take back to my MIL

After about 20 minutes I come out of my room and begin to pry the pizza MIL had stuck directly onto the oven grate off and make a bowl of cereal for dinner.. needless to say since this day "Just shut the door, it will put itself out" has become quite the catch phrase.... and that my friends is all you need to know for tomorrows post! LOL

Time out Daddy!

2005-12-12T15:56:00.000-05:00

This morning as I am getting dressed and ready for work and just enjoying the fact that the high today is only 65!! I start to make a cup of coffee (yes decaf) and as soon as I take a sip I hear my sweet child yell "GET BACK HERE YOU MOTHER FUCKER!" and then see him chasing our dog who has apparently stolen some toy from Jacobs room.

ok calm down.. yes I spit my coffee all over me, yes I had to go change my shirt.. I call Jacob over to me and I say "WHAT did you just say" he places his hands on his hips and says "what?" I say "what did you just yell at the dog?" he says "Mother Fucker" I am now just beside myself and not sure if I laugh or yell or just cry! I say " sweetie I dont know where you heard that but we DO NOT say that word in this house" again my sweet child looks right at me and says "daddy does" again I am about to loose it but instead I begin to explain to him that Daddy is now in time out and will be for a long time and we DO NOT under any circumstances repeat what we hear daddy say..

oh man is Daddy ever in time out for this one!

I'm a mom, not a patient person!

2005-12-01T09:53:00.000-05:00

Ok.. here we are after Thanksgiving, which btw was wonderful and I do have a few stories to share.. but today I would rather vent about children.. My child to be more specific.. WHY oh WHY can he not understand I have the patience of a gnat? He challenges me and I swear tries to get me going on purpose. Every moring when it is time to get dressed or go potty.. he will just melt down and start crying saying how he hates the shirt, pants or what the heck ever I have picked out for him to wear! I did have a boy right?? FTLOG! Just put on a shirt and jeans and lets go! but NO he has to freak out and hit the ground and refuse to get dressed and make my blood boil- I know I am lacking in the patience dept these days - I just get so annoied so fast - and I promise you I am trying SO hard to not show it to him but inside I am ready to scream! But I have mentioned my coffee addiction and my lack there of these days right?? You would hope a child as smart and manilupative as mine would put my lack of coffee and my mood together and just do what I ask the 1st time - I also know part of it is my fault for also just not being a morning person and getting out of bed late and there by getting him going late and being on a tight schedule - but it seems even if I try to wake him up sooner he is just like me and a crabby puss when he is woken up! Which rises yet one more question.. why is it Mon -Fri when he has to be up at 7am he will not get moving - yet Sat-Sun he is up at 6am?? you know the days I could sleep?!!

oh and on top of that with all the hype and family here guess who has reverted to telling me when he is peeing in his diaper? um.. yea Dr Evil - and he now thinks its funny! he will come over to me laughing and tell me what he has done! Gee is it any wonder my patience is nill??

Add that little ditty to my DH who while I do love him is just as bad! He has a laundry basket on his side of the bed and I have one on my side - would you like to take a gander at where I find his socks EVERY F"ING NIGHT?? oh yea - right NEXT to the basket! WHY can he not put them in the basket I beg of you?? so guess who didnt have any clean socks this morning?? MUHAHAHAHA - oh thats right - evil wife I am refuses to bend over and pick them up one by one so they didnt get washed! Is it wrong that I am still laughing to myself about this one and the look of shock on his face when I said well where are your dirty socks? I took and washed what was in your BASKET! HAHAHAHA Vengence is mine at last!!

Captains Log day 3

2005-11-17T08:48:00.000-05:00

I think we have finally found what makes Jacob tick.. or should I say poop! TOYS! ok so I know I shouldnt have to bribe him to go potty and for 100's of years people were potty trained with out bribary but darn it I dont care! I havent had to change a poopy diaper in over a week! he has been going in the potty like such a big boy I cant even bring myself to imagine he might be trained! I think since I am off next week I will really have time to work with him and we will try underwear and see how it goes! I am so excited! Who would have thought that poop in the potty would make someones day? I mean really? Wish us luck!!

Boys!

2005-11-15T09:30:00.000-05:00

I just have to say that although I really wanted a girl I realized this weekend how really cool boys are! I know that sounds silly but my sweet son is relaly starting to become his own little person and I just LOVE it! I love how his mind works, how he is SO creative and how he is just so darn loving!

So Sunday morning we get up to go to Breakfast with friends as is our norm. and in flies Batman! Mask, cape and all! he is ready to go! well how can you tell a almost 3 yr old he is not a superhero when he most assuradly looks like one?? so we all get dressed and take off to breakfast - Chris, Batman and myself! Now keep in mind Jacob will not answer you if you call him Jacob when his mask is on he IS Batman! I will have to upload some photos of the man as I of course took like 5 of him flying out to the car! we walk into breakfast as proud as can be of our little superhero and all the regulars were so great calling him Batman! He loved it! and after we sat down he took off his mask and said " Momma I gonna be Jacob now, so I can eat and then I be Batman again and save the world, ok?" well of course Son I think that is a great idea!

awww poop

2005-11-11T11:23:00.000-05:00

We are in the middle of potty training Jacob. and I hesitate to say he has done AMAZING only because I am afraid of the back lash! But for the last 2 weeks it is like has been like he just Got it! He wakes up dry from nap, bed time ect.. he goes right to the potty and has been such a big boy! I have to say the pirate chest idea I had is one of my best! (pat on back)

Well the only thing he will not quite do in the potty is poop.. which of course is the one thing I really want him to do! so I devised a plan that he would get bigger prizes for pooping -- bigger production, bigger reward was my thought. And that worked a few times I think more as a fluke than anything - he'e be peeing and all the sudden start to poop- still fine by me a big dance was had and toys all around! he seemed rather pleased. Well the last week he has just refused to poop in the potty - he will come and stand right next to me and tell me he is pooping!!! which to me is a slap in the face.. I stay calm and try to explain the benefits of pooping in the potty but he could care less. Well Fast forward to last weekend we go to a B-day party for my BF son and Jacobs Idol (Bailey) Bay got some great toys! Batman, spider man ect.. so jacob tells me he wants " ________(insert toy name), like Bailey got" so I think and say - well you know Bailey got those big boy toys for being such a big boy, and doing big boy stuff.. like pooping on the potty.. well I see a light come on in Ds head.. and he says " so I poop on potty and I get ______, like bailey got? " and I assure him that is correct.. now I know the toys Bay got were more expensive than the $4 things we had been using as poop toys but hey I am not above spending a bit more now to not have 2 kids in diapers in a few months!!!

SO Yesterday morning at 6:45 my sweet child comes busting into my room to announce he has to poop - now I shoudl be filled with pride but keep in mind I am NOT a moring person and even less of one now that I have nixed the coffee..AND you all know the last 15 min of sleep you get in the morning is always the best! So I roll out of bed and follow him into his bathroom where he sits, and sits, and sits.. now in the 45 minutes he sat on that potty he did fart quite a bit and I had to try to explain it wasnt the same as pooping, much to his dismay. He was SO distraught over not being able to poop on demand he refused to leave the potty and refused to let me leave! so I shower in his potty, dress ect all in there just in case the elusive poop comes. Well now we need to leave for work and my son is still sitting on the potty crying and telling me he has to poop cause he wants "______, like Bailey has" try as I might to convince him we can try again after school, at school what ever he is just beside himself and I am trying SO hard to stay calm and focused as I dont want to discourage this new desire to do as I asked.. but what do you do? I mean we have to go!! I finally get him off the potty and dressed and out the door but not before I had to call my Hubby at work and have him explain to Jacob it was ok - we were still very proud and he could try again later..

so that very night we get home and I know ds schedule - he is a 6:30pm pooper and I try to coax him onto the potty with the promise of _______ toy, Like bailey has.. and he wouldnt have no part of it - the little $hit stood right in front of me and pooped AGAIN!!

I am SO ready to sell him to Bailey's momma!

Time is a fire.

2005-11-10T15:29:00.000-05:00

Time is a fire.
Time can burn. Time can hurt. But it can also purify. It can chase away shadows. It can melt the coldest heart.
Time can burn hatred away.

alive!

2005-10-25T12:23:00.000-04:00

Hello!!! We are all fine here in Fabulous Florida! (well Fab today anyway!)

The storm was not bad up here at all - just rain and wind but by 2pm it was sunny skies and cold! I just wanted to run in the yard! It was amazing! So at least those that are with out power the next few days and those working on the lines will not be dying from heat like we all were last year!

We had friends come and stay with us they have a 6 yr old and a 5 yr old then of course my 3 yrs old and let me tell you I know now why we are stoping at 2 kids! OY! They really were very good and kept each other busy most of the time but the two older girls just kept bickering "I had that, dont touch me, stop hitting me, dont kick me... MOM!" and I know they were displaced and honestly were still very good I just felt bad for their mom she was so worried about their house and then with her two at each other or wanting to hang all over her I know she needs a vacation today! LOL. But sadly she is at All Childrens Hospital with her youngest for Kidney surgery - please keep lil Jules in your thoughts if you can!

Oh the pumpkin carving was still a go but would you believe my son who refused a nap cause the girls were there fell asleep on the way over to my sisters! so we carry him in and set him on her bed just sure he would wake up soon but he never did! Turns out it was a blessing cause it started to rain and everyone was carving on her back porch which is big but with 50 or so people plus food ect out there and people trying to sit and carve pumpkins it was crowded and warm so I am kinda happy I was able to just hang out with our friends and one of our friends who had a baby 2 weeks ago came with Lil Teddy (Theodore) and her daughter who is only 18mo. Oh he was a doll!! made me so excited for this lil one - not that I am not excited but just to see and hold a new baby makes it more real if that makes sense.

So we carved pumpkins Sunday morning before the rain started again and Jacob just wanted to stab the poor pumpkin and had NO desire to touch the "ICKY" stuff inside! "dat gross" LOL - I do think he had fun doing it though.

Hurricanes

2005-10-20T09:30:00.000-04:00

ok so how selfish am I?? no really - we have this huge storm heading at us and my 1st thought.. guess?... My 1st thought was "damn now the pumpkin carving might be cancelled".. I know I shoudl be ashamed of myself but darn it I am so sick of the weather this season poor jacob has been so sick and I relaly wanted to do something fall-ish - which when you live in Florida is not easy to do. I just knwo this is the year he will relaly have fun carving his pumpkin and the party is always so much fun with a movie projected onto drywall outside at night, all kinda of halloween treats and just a ton of fun with family and friends.

So after my melt down I get ripped back to reality by friends of mine who live in Punta Gorda (where Chrley hit last year) who are STILL In a FEMA Trailer - their house is supposed to be ready Nov 4th - they need a place to evacuate to.. so they are coming up here. no biggie really I love my friend dearly and no way are her and her kids staying in a trailer! Her call only reminds me how selfish I am being about the whole party but somehow it doesnt make me change my mind - now I want the party more than before cause I want her kids to be able to enjoy their weekend and not be afraid of a storm - which they are just getting to be ok with rain again.. Grrr... stupid weather!

Beautiful day!

2005-10-19T16:31:00.000-04:00

So this morning as I go in to wake my sweet son for his 1st day back to school (he had been sick for a week). He rolls over and says to me "mornin' sunshine" like that just doesnt put a bounce in your step! :O) so I counter with a little "Good Morning Sunshine" of my own and as I am picking out his clothing for the say and turning on the wiggles - his morning routine while I shower. He looks over to me and says "mommy, Todays a beautiful day!" I was so stunned I didnt know what to say for a second so I just agreeded with him "yes sweetie it IS a beautiful day!"

Just like that out of the blue I am feeling better, happy, alive. It is in that moment that I realize what a gift God has given me in my son(s). He is only 2.5 and yet he can make me see the simple beauty in life. I know that sounds odd but I am not much of a morning person and neither is he normally so when he woke up so chipper and excited about the day how could I not feel blessed to have him!

As we left the house with out a fight and drove to school again with out a fight (normally him having to go to school aka be away from mom results a at least a few minutes of whining) but not today - Today as wel walked out of the house he turns to grab my hand and tell me "I love you mommy" again just out of the blue.. as I put him in his car seat he says "What a beautiful day" and the tone in his voice was so grown and sincere I honestly almost cried. But again I just agrred with him and told him how much I loved him. But man What a beautiful day!!

Ever have a day

2005-10-12T08:54:00.000-04:00

Where the sun seems to shine a bit brighter just cause of the music you are listening to? On my way to work today Emma and I were jamming to Michael Buble - he is a Frank Sinatra'ish singer and I have to say I was so at ease driving into work. I was watching the sun fighting the clouds and and singing along to "home" and realizing how it must have been a song to his wife he wrote while on tour about how he is so grateful for his chance to follow this dream he misses her and just wants to go home. It made me Happy for him - I know that sounds silly seeing as how he wasnt real happy but it was like - if you follow your dreams the people you love will be there for you - no matter if its not their dream and they are not going to follow you aroudn while you chase your dream they will be right where you left them at home waiting with open arms to welcome you back. I know pretty intense drive to work huh?? But what can I sat the sky was a perfect part sun, fog, cloud mix that made you day dreamy.

So my challenge to myself is to remember that there is always a home - no matter if this new business fails, I will always have the love of my family and the rest was at least a dream I was bold enough to try!

pod people

2005-10-10T15:32:00.000-04:00

Ipod, you pod we all scream for ipod!

Yes you guessed it.. Dh bought me my very own ipod for my b-day! I am SO in love! it is the 20gb plain ol white ( my mood is to fickle for colors, I like the idea of buying colored covers much more!) I really wanted the nano or the U2 ipod but couldnt justify spending $100 more for the U2 one when that could be spent on fun toys and the nano is out of stock everywhere and only holds 1000 songs for $50 less than I paid for 5000 songs - seems silly.

We found it at Costco for $239 and then got the italk - to record sound, like ds and lil E heartbeats - we only have ds on a lil recorder in my scrapbook right now but i'd hate to loose it so this way I can burn it to cd and I will just record Ethans at my next appt to do the same. Oh I also got this docking station for my car - it is a FM modulator so I can play through my car radio and will charge the ipod as well and gives her a nice lil home - oh yea I named her Emma Renee -my sister was hysterical - I told her this is the only girl I will ever have so her namesake has to be a ipod! she was cool with that! as she is the one who got me addicted!

It is so fun! I have only uploaded like 68 songs so far but plan to unpack more cd's at home tonight and get to burning!

ok just had to share my dorkdome!

Daddy My best friend!

2005-10-07T14:05:00.000-04:00

This is what my son told me yesterday. Chris and I were horsing around and I smacked him so ds says to me "mommy dont hit daddy, he my best friend!" Oh the look DH shot me was pure nah nah nah boo boo.. so all day Dh is gloating and going on and on about how HE was jacobs best friend.

So fast forward to later That night we are on our way to dinner and ds is eating animal crackers in the back seat and starts to freak out and demand that I fix the broken leg on his horse - I tell him to just eat him and what does he say... "MOMMY! I cant eat him, he my best friend!" So now it was my turn to shoot DH "the look" right back! oh I was gloating no doubt about it! Apparently any ol Horses A$$ can be ds best friend! LOL I didnt feel so left out any more!

Birthday

2005-10-05T13:53:00.000-04:00

So yesterday was my 31st Birthday and it is a sure sign you are getting older when you really didnt even realize it! My sister called me the week before to make plans and I was like, for what?? Gesh - when does this happen to us? remember when you were a kid and had a list of what you couldnt live with out the day after your birthday was over and already started next years count down??

I will say it was a very nice day though. DH made me breakfast and got ds all ready for school and after work we went to dinner where my mom and my SIL watched jacob on their side of the table! what a nice break - to not have to dodge ketchup! :O)

Well they came out and sang to me and as they were walking away Jacob says "daddy they not do it right, we ding again, ok?!" and started singing Happy Birthday (the traditional way) to me - it was by far the highlight of my day!

10 great things about having a boy!

2005-09-27T13:50:00.000-04:00

1) have all the clothing (but of course will get more) heeehee

2) Jacob wont have to be such a protector like he'd prob be with a sister

3) no wedding to pay for!

4) no periods to deal with! aka - less drama!

5) I know boys! I am just learning all the superheros and their powers! I have boys down!

6) less maintence clothing wise - have you SEEN the teen girl fashons??!!

7) Chris can take them both out no matter how old on his own and not have to worry about her in the potty alone!

8) All the money I would have spent on frilly dresses I figure should be mine to scrap with - makes sence right?? come on play along!

9) My grandfather who was like my Daddy will now have a namesake and that is a wonderful feeling - I cant help but think he picked Ethan just for us!

10) and the best reason Boys generally ADORE their mommies! so now I have TWO mommas boys!!

It's a...

2005-09-26T13:47:00.000-04:00

so I know you are all dying to know about my day..

We had our U/s this morning and after we thought he had decided to not find out what we were having the tech was doing all the normal measurements and said we could see this part ect.. as she was just measuring Lil E's head Lil E did a HUGE summersault and went spread eagle I swear it was like - " Um Hello!! You need to know!!" and I wasn't even watching the screen when dh yells out " Now That's a BOY!" and so of course I look up and there He was in all his Glory - Lil Ethan Joseph!

so now that I am getting over my shock - cause I really did think it was a girl and really did want an Emma I am so excited - he is so beautiful - all his toes, fingers, heart was perfect, lungs ect! all perfect! I just can not tell you how very blessed I feel right now - Dh is actually kinds sad cause he really did want a girl but after a few minutes of thought he was like - ok your right - we know boys we can do this - this is easy.. and I think he is starting to get excited about another boy as well even though I know he did want a princess all his own! :O)

I am really excited now - I feel like this preg has been so different I wasnt up all night last night dreaming blue/pink like I was with ds - and I havent obsessed about every lil thing I dont think its that I am less excited I just know what to expect this time so I guess I am less afraid of whats coming next. I do have to say I am still a tad in shock over another boy but I just can not wait to meet him now!!!

powder boy!

2005-09-21T14:55:00.000-04:00

So I was telling the PNW girls what a lil monkey mom son is and I thought I'd share with you all what he did about 3 weeks ago. It was nap time and so I went to sleep as well (1st time in forever) and apparently he woke up before me and I hear him in his room laughing and saying "SNOW" .. now at this point I know what ever I am about to find is not going to be good.. needless to say my sweet child not only stripped all his clothing off in hopes of getting a diaper change maybe? he wasted a brand new bottle of powder and I had to rewash everything I had sitting on his table till he woke up as I didnt want to open drawers ect while he was asleep.. It took about 30-40 minutes to clean up as powder was in all the drawers and we need a new filter for our vacuume. Ahhh the joys of a 2yr old..

Big day!

2005-09-13T11:32:00.000-04:00

So we have an appt to get our ultrasound the 26th and we would be able to find out what we are having - now I have said all along that I really dont care so long as they are healthy but I am secretly hoping for a girl - I think just because I knwo we are not having anymore and I'd love a lil girl and I'd love to honor my Gr.g-ma and sister with her name.. Now DH really wants a girl as well for daddy reasons! LOL..

I am torn as to find out the sex - part of me says the surprise would be great and fun but then the other part of me says will I have even a second of being disapointed when (if) they say "its a boy" at delivery? I would hate to have even one second of "aw shucks" KWIM? I know in my heart so long as they are healthy that is all that matters and it is my biggest wish of all.. but I kinda wanna know now..

and the one big deterant for finding out is my mom - she will be all "i told you you couldnt wait" "see I know you" blah blah blah.. now before you get the wrong idea I love my mommie very much and we are VERY close which I think is why no one can drive me mad like her! LOL..

so my plan right now I think is to let DH find out and then when I do cave I can just ask him day or night! LOL...

Friends

2005-09-07T13:06:00.000-04:00

How many people in your life do you think you can call TRUE friends? not just people you have lunch with, grew up with or are linked to via your spouse. I mean real friends. People who go out of their way to be sure you and yours are ok? Now tell me how many of them you see IRL on a normal basis - is the number the same?

It is not for me. I had a very close group of friends all through high school / college and then when I moved away it seemed they did as well.. only 3 of mine are still with me and one of them and I claim his wife as my own as well! :O) so that makes 4 IRL friends that I see on a normal basis.. and while I love them and adore them it seems that sometimes their lives get so busy and out of focus or maybe it cause we can see eachother all the time that we dont really talk like we used to.. I dont know - but I do know that I am blessed enough to have another group of friends. A group of 7 women whom I have only met once (well one of them 2x's) IRL and they mean more to me than I would have ever dreamed. I think about them daily and pray for their safety and wonder what I ever did to deserve them!

My sister and her family are in the misdt of a very hard time right now and these girls just rose up and are adopting her and my nephew as their own just because they know they mean something to me! I can not really explain how much this kindness and love means to me I can only say - I LOVE YOU - you know who you are and I think god for each and every one of you every day!

heavy heart

2005-09-02T11:05:00.000-04:00

My heart is so heavy right now - I can not express my sadness for the good people of NO, Miss and AL... I wish I could do more to fix the maddness I see everytime I turn on the news..

I am SO thankful that my Sister and nephew did get out in time - they most likely have lost everything and mentally she is doing all she can to stay strong for her son. I am packing up a box and some money to send to her today and hope she will take my offer to come here for a while.

Please keep these people in your thoughts and prayers - if they do not get help soon I fear how bad it can get for the entire state of LA.

AM I SERIOUS??!!

2005-08-25T16:33:00.000-04:00

WHAT?? Have you ever had someone challenge your beliefs? Now mind you you see theirs for what they are - their beliefs! but when you voice yours they ask if you are serious?? Like I have somehow let them down - Like because I don't agree with them my opinion is now crap??

Ugh I am so fustrated right now - I know to each his own - that is how I was raised but some people get it in their heads that their way is the only way things are done world wide and are shocked to hear it is done differently.. now to be shocked is one thing but to seriously think I am about to change how I feel or that I would EVER expect you to do that is just mind blowing to me!

ok rant over.. I feel better

Good Night Easter Bunny, Santa, Tooth Fairy, and little leprechaun every where!

Great news!

2005-08-24T09:14:00.000-04:00

I just found out a dear friend of mine is having a baby boy!! I am so excited! She has not always had the easiest of times while Preg and my whole heart just lit up with the news of a healthy boy on the way!

So now I have to hope I have a Girl so I can send her all my boy stuff and beg for her girl stuff!

lets see.. what else - oh Jacob started his 2nd session of swim lessons and is considered a Frog.. he took Tadpole last session and last summer - well the Frog session is apparently a Frod/Tadpole - meaning not enough Frogs signed up so we are mixed into a tadpole class and he is the only Frog so the teacher is just doing all the same stuff he already knows and he is board! I dont know if I should wait till the end of this week to see if it changed since we only had the one class monday and all the kids were new swimmers or if I should just call the school now and ask that my money be applied to next session?? He loves to swim but this pool is also different it doesnt have the little sitting ledge which is making it VERY hard for him to pull himself out of the water even the teacher was shocked and the reach from the water line to the ledge is at least 6 inches! he can barely reach the top of the wall to pull himself up when he does swim to the wall.. UGH I just dont know what to do...

Back Pay!

2005-08-19T08:46:00.000-04:00

Today is a good day my friends! As many of you know we had a huge pay cut (15%) a few months ago that just ended. The whole time we were on reduced pay they kept saying they were planing on paying us back - well I just took that with a grain of salt and figured it was lost money - but I am happy to say I was wrong! Today we are getting 1/2 of what they took back and hopefully next month we will get the rest! I am SO SO excited!! We just bought ds a new big boy bed but didnt have the money to get his dresser and I was really upset about not being able to find a matching one later - well now I can get his dresser AND new maternity clothing AND even have some money left for savings and to dump into the business acct for my 1st big buys! I am just beside myself happy today!!

I hope you all have something wonderfully unexpected and happy happen to you today as well!!

xoxoxo

42 pages!

2005-08-16T13:33:00.000-04:00

That is how many pages I was able to get done on my scrapping weekend! We had such a blast! Megan, Amy (aka Cooley) and I roomed together and just laughed so hard all weekend. I meet a few new people and one of them lives up here and was the designer of our scrapbook tees - Love her! check her site out at www.islandgirlscrapbooks.com we all had the "Size matters" Tees and for doing free advertising for her all weekend and helping her sell out of just about everything AND getting like 30 pre orders I got the scrappalicious Tee at her cost! Woohoo! Very excited AND she is making our group of 8 ScrapBitches Tees for next year. I am so excited! I also gave her tons of ideas for Preggo tees that I hope she makes soon since I told her she had to! LOL

So I am just about caught up in my sons album and I even started my AAM album! But ran out of picturs so I lost the most pages done to Cooley by one page! I only have my PNW trip, CKU last year and 4 events from June till Now to do and I am caught up all together! can you even believe it! My friend Martha was so sweet to help me find sketches to go with the pics I was doing and it helped me SO much esp since I didnt pre-plan anything else! Heck I didnt even pack till 8am Thurs morning and was out the door of my house by 9am.. woops! LOL.. But I did have a wonderful time and I can not wait till next years get away!!

SAHM!!!

2005-08-09T16:14:00.000-04:00

Chris and I have been talking a lot lately about me being a SAHM after Lil E joins us and so we sat down and really did a budget, a realistic one - accounting for a 2nd child in diapers (in case ds is still training, which I am sure he will be) and our life insurance, health care and most important me and us money! LOL - even after we had everything pluged in and estimated at its highest we end up with over $300 of free money at the end of the month! I know it may not seem like much but we already accounted for savings, college funds, entertainment ect.. this would be just gravy! I am so excited right now - Dh says no way am I going back to work esp since we did a budget with me working but paying for daycare for ds and Lil e and ended up with less!!

Oh AND we will be keeping ds in pre-school 5 days a week, part time.. so he will not be missing anything and I will be able to stay saine and get more business stuff done!

so please woohoo with me!! :O)

Swimming

2005-08-04T15:51:00.000-04:00

Well our 1st swim lesson went great! he was the only kid there so even though we had to end early due to rain it was like he had a private lesson! He didnt want to do most of what I wanted him to do and me being the sucker felt bad.. but not his teacher - she just dunked him right under! LOL.. and then of course he was screaming for me!

We have our 2nd lesson tonight and then again Sat and only one other lil boy is registered so even if he shows it will be like private lessons! I am so excited as last year we had 15 kids in the class and barely saw the teacher but for maybe 10 minutes total all class (which is a hr long)

Oh also I have my 13 week Dr appt tomorrow and Doc thinks we will get to hear the heartbeat! That makes me very happy! :O)

War

2005-08-03T16:07:00.000-04:00

What is it good for - ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

I am so sick of our men and women dying for a country that could give a rats behind that we are there - as a matter of fact they are the ones killing us! I know this view is so small and yes I know there are bigger things at stake her but right now I just don't see them.. Not when 14 more died over night and technically we are not in a war zone!! And Not when a dear friend of Mines hubby is over there and in the wake of last night is being sent on a special mission.. I DO NOT like the sounds of it!

Please pray for the men and women of JIDC.

neat

2005-08-02T10:39:00.000-04:00

So the Dork that I am just realized you can now upload images SO much easier to blogger and I had to give it a try - of course all I have saved on this computer is a old pic from Easter - but oh well.. he's still as cute (just more trouble)!

Not much new today - The lil man starts swim lessons again tonight - we went last summer and he did pretty good but since he hasnt been in so long whenever we go to the pool he wont do any of the stuff they teach you - dunk his head - let me push him under to swim to the steps - jump in to me - NOTHING.. so I am really worried how he will be tonight esp since he seems to enjoy the word "no" so much as of late!

Wish us luck! Not to smart to make your momma crazy in a pool full of water but then again he is 1/2 his daddy! LOL

Food

2005-08-01T13:10:00.000-04:00

I have apparently gotten some of my appitite back - Granted I can not eat a whole 6in sub but at least I can eat 1/2 of it and keep it down! I am very thankful for that!

I was also pretty productive this weekend for not leaving the house except for a dinner date Fri & Sat night - I made my DH breakfast Sat and Dinner Sunday - now while that may not seem like a lot it was huge - I was also able to do about 5 loads of laundry wash, dry and hang!! I even Ironed a ton of stuff that was in need! I think I am on my way to being better - TG! I was starting to worry how much more of that I could handle!

Well I think thats all for my update - finally feeling more human - oh and we get to hear Lil E's heartbeat on Friday! I am so excited!!

Productive

2005-07-27T09:24:00.000-04:00

I had a wonderful Dinner with my sister and mom last night to celebrate sis b-day - we never get a chance to just sit and talk anymore - Jacob is around or our Hubbys are around and we end up talking with them ect - But last night was wonderful! I got caught up on her life and job and new principal. Reminded me of old times when she and I lived together in college - just sittin and chatting. She is also going to help me with the company logo since I told he rmy ideas and she had a ton of great advice and since my home computer has died she and I are gonna hit her house and get it out asap so I can get this thing up and runing! I am so excited I feel like it might all just happen! and soon!

Irrational Moment #2

2005-07-25T09:26:00.000-04:00

It all began about a week or so ago - I have not had Soda or any sugar beverage in about 5 yrs, I think I may have said this before.. well last week I started oon Root Beer - as if that wasnt bad enough now lil E has taken it upon him/her self to crave Cherry Slurpies! So my quest began last week and after 3 days and about 10 7-11's I found a cherry slurpie! I was so excited it hit the spot! Well Saturday it started again! We are at lunch and I can not drink anything else but root beer right now, IBC to be exact and of course Olive Garden didnt have it - so I drink nothing as anything else will set off the sickies. We finish lunch and head to best buy to get ds a new tv as his died. While there I become VERY VERY thirsty not surprising since I havent had a drink in hours. Well we need to go to Target to get a new TV stand and my Best Friend told me last week in the misdt of my melt down that they have Cherry Icies - so ok we are off I am all excited just thinking about this darn drink! we get there and the Cherry is not ready!! so now I am pissed and slowly getting more and more thirsty - we get what we need and leave and head right to 7-11.. well long story short 3 7-11's later and 40 min in the car and we still can not find a WORKING cherry slurpie machine! At this point I know this craving is totally irrational and begin to get mad at myself for not being able to get past it and calm down! 2 places had it but the machine was broke the last place had it and the handle was broke! DH told the guy he had to get some in a cup or else! well they got plyers and sorted it out - lucky for them! Chris gets back in the car hands me my drink and you can tell he is really afraid, then of course I was so embarassed and mad at myself for being SO irrational! I just had to have it I could not get past it!

I tell ya Lil E sure will have an interesting Scrapbook! :O)

Names

2005-07-20T13:35:00.000-04:00

Chris and I have started the name game.. With Jacob it took so long to agree on a name we just knew we had to start early this time. We have a Girls name all picked out so that was a no brainer. Its always the boys names we have problems with. We have such different taste in names. My main requirement this time is that we use my part Grandfathers name as a middle name his name was Charles Joseph so we can use either of those names as a middle name. Now you would not think that limits the field so much but according to dh it does - I personally think he is just being stubborn but I am the one sick all day every day and the one being cut open so you know what - DEAL! (woops hormones are out)

So far the list looks like this (at least my list- DH list only has the 1st name on it)

Ethan (only one we both like but he isnt sold)
Holden (the hero from catcher in the rye)
Jackson
Xavier
Ian
Nicholas (his pick)
Jared (I liked until he said "the subway dude?")
Grant

and I had a few more I cant think of right now - PLEASE feel free to leave your suggestions as comments! :O)

Guess What?

2005-07-19T13:06:00.000-04:00

That is my sons new catch phrase - he is so cute, he will run up to Chris and I and says "guys, guys, Guess what?" and if you say "what" he starts talking a mile a minute in 2 yr old speak and I have no clue what he is saying but man is it cute! Last night all I caught was "Firetruck, cookie and potty" which together made me more confused.. Oh well I am sure we will get the hang of this communicating thing soon enough! Until then I rather like his little rants - he is so expressive, his hands go flying all around and his eyes just light up and you should see the looks he gives - I think he got his expressive talking from me *blush*

ahhh I love my lil man!

Harry Potter

2005-07-18T11:09:00.000-04:00

OK roll out the geek patrol right now - yes I pre-ordered HP and yes it arrived Sat and No I didnt do much else all weekend expect read my book.. *blush* I did take breaks to eat and play with my son and nap (of course!) and as a result I am only 1/2 way through with the newest book and am so bitter about being at work today when I could be home reading my book!

I know a lot of people just dont understand the hype but I say read the 1st book and if you really have no desier to pick up #2 then I can not help you.. I think it is one of those things you just either get or you dont - I know for me Rowling is such a wonderfully descriptive author I feel like I am right there with the characters I love them, hate them, laugh and cry on que.. I know like I said.. please get the geek patrol ready! LOL

well luch time is near and I must get back to my book!

dreams

2005-07-14T13:10:00.000-04:00

Ever wonder where your dreams come from? are they really just mindless wanderings? or is there some hidden truth, some meaning you need to see and be aware of to avoid possible disaster?

I ask this because lately I have had some of the craziest dreams! I rarely remember my dreams and when I do just parts and can not ever remember being awakened by a dream. But since I have a little passenger with me I have noticed more and more madness! My dear friend Karen joked it was lil E channeling through my dreams - but if that is true no way am I equipt to handle this child as a teenager!

Lets see.. two of the dreams -

Last night my car was stolen while I was at a gas/service station - my mom was right next to my car with some guy talking and I come back and its gone and they had no idea! Nor were they really concerned my new car was missing - woops they said!!

Night before I was at McDonalds with Alisa, Sara and our kids and I went in to order and came back out for money at that point I realized my son was wandering around outside ( not like me AT ALL) ! So I asked Alisa to watch Jacob since he was walking by a pool (?? part of their playground? it was like a hotel / McDonalds) and as I am walking back in I see him fall in I dive in after him and a guy on a float says all non chalant "he cant swim?" I scream no and he grabs him by his hat but it comes off and down Jacob goes this guy just sits there on his raft as my son is going under and I cant move! I am in the water and paralyzed! It was like I wanted ot see where he landed on the bottom of the pool before I was going to go after him!! I wake up before I save him and it has bugged me for days! I have been a total freak about him in the tub and near water the last few days! like somehow this dream was a warning.

Oh lord - Lil E you need to calm down - mommy needs some sleep!

Childhood..

2005-07-13T09:06:00.000-04:00

SO I was reading a friends blog and she posted a challenge from 2peas to journal your favorite childhood memory - so I thought I'd take her lead and do it here!

When I was little we spent summers with my Grandparents , my mom was a single mom working 2-3 jobs and if we stayed with them in PA she could work more and save money and not worry about us. So that is what we did..

Well every Sunday we had to go to Church and on our way home G-pa would take my sister and I into the candy store and give us each a dime. we would then get our brown bag and go to the penny section - we always got jelly beans cause you got more for your money - they were like so many for a penny rather than 1 cent each. so we'd leave with a big ol bag of jelly beans and walk back to the house - we would then climb the hill behind my grandparents house where g-pa had us convinced we could touch heaven. We would lay on the hill for hours eating our jelly beans and making shapes out of the clouds.

When ever I think of my g-pa I think of those days - and I miss him so much - how Jacob would love to lay there and find the duck riding the bears back! LOL.. I think I will have to start doing this with Jacob.

woops..

2005-07-12T15:13:00.000-04:00

Man have I ever been neglectful of this blog - I just get so busy doing stuff I forget to tell you all about it! Guess John Lennon would be proud of me at least! *wink*

Most of you know I found out recienty that I am expecting our 2nd child! I am so overjoyed yet scared out of my mind at the same time! Right now I am batteling pretty fierce all day sickness, no use calling it morning sickness as it never goes away! I have actually lost 5 lbs according to my Dr today. But he seems to think that is just fine he was only worried I havent been drinking like I should so I have to watch that. Other than that I know this sickness has to end sooner or later ( I hope sooner) and until then I will be scarse on the computer as the screen for some reason makes me pretty sick - no clue what it is about the monitor that does it but oh boy!

Lets see what else - we were missed by the 1st Hurricane of the season, Dennis he passed by us and sadly did hit the panhandle of FL who was still recovering from last years hit from Ivan. I just pray that the newest storm Emily will stay well away from all of us - although I know that is a little idealistic.

I got a letter from my Iraq Hubby (my friend Sara's Hubby whom we have made a harem for) and he and his unit are all doing quite well.. which makes me VERY happy. My mom is part of a Harley bike club and we are organizing a poker run for him and his guys on Aug 7th and so far have had a wonderful response from people who just want to drop stuff off to ship over to the guys and tons of bikers who want to do the run. I am very hopeful we will raise enough money to get a little bit of everything on Pauls wish list. My mom has already gotten a pretty large Biker magazine company to donate tons of Bike and car magazine as that was one of the requests from Paul. I am actually getting excited about the run as well. I will be sitting at one of the stops handing out a card to each biker that comes my way and I feel it is very important for me to be part of this, since they are after all doing it for me and someone I care about! Plus how fun to hang at a biker bar all day! LOL..

Well thats all for now - I'll try to be better at this..

Reunion

2005-06-28T15:26:00.000-04:00

Just got back from the reunion.. and to say the least, The trip was interesting.

I hadn't seen my dad in almost 15 yrs and last time I saw my one 1/2 sister (Amy) and 1/2 brother (Jason) that live with him they were 4 and 7.. so that was a bit odd and one other 1/2 sister (Dawn) I just learned about also came and I have never seen her - she has a son who is only 2 wks younger than Jacob so that was kind of cool!

My 1/2 brother had no idea she existed till she walked up and luckily I knew she had a little one so I knew who she was she was so scared she had never even seen our dad before so for her to drive 12 hrs from new Orleans to SC for this took some moxy! Jason was really taken aback and I felt really bad..

I felt like I was on show all weekend which was hard - since I relaly wanted them to know my mom did a great job with us and I wanted them to remember that when they looked at us.

Renee and I felt often like we were the bastard children just cause everyone knew everyone and here we were just thrown into it - but my BIL (john) whom I LOVE was so amazing putting my dad in his place like only John can do had a good long talk with him and basically told him he was wrong to do it this way if it was about us he should have come to us not drug us to where he had a support system and we had no one.. John also called him out on a bunch of lies he was trying to get by with which I was very thankful for.

Everyone (brothers and sisters) were really nice and Renee and I tried to clear the air with our dad and tell him how we felt and just get it all out there so it was emotionally draining but I think a good start.

Like Saturday at the picnic his sisters (our aunts) all were talking about various ex husbands ect and what crappy dads they were and how could a man do that to his kids and it was really getting to Renee cause she was there every time and wanted to just yell " do you not see that is what you brother did??" he just left us and started over and that was that - how is he different.. but she just kept getting up and walking away - I felt so bad that she was hurting so much.. I guess my repression has been very helpful to me since most of my memories are blocked. Of course the only time I got mad was when one of the nephews kept taking toys from Jacob saying they were his (and they werent one of the aunts had a big bag she was just tossing out for them to share) but I knew I couldnt get into it with this kid so I would just take the toy from Jacob and find him something else to play with - but after like the 100th time Jacob had this Dragon he was really digging and this demon child came over and said he wanted it back again poor Jacob started to cry and just didnt understand which of course made me mad and I wanted to cry - had this child been someone I knew I would have said no - its jacobs turn and just walked off but I knew this child would cause a huge stink and I wasnt about to look like a jerk in front of all these people who were already watching my every move - it was like I couldnt even defend my kid cause no matter how you slice it I would have been the bully - that made me VERY MAD.. but my hubby went and bought Jacob the biggest coolest dragon and gave it to him when we got home which of course made me almost cry, esp since Jacob said " Mine mommy?, no one take it?" I assured him if someone tried to mommy would take care of them!

But the good part of it all I guess is our dad seems to really want to try and said his main concern was just to get us kids together so even if we didn't care to speak to him again at least us kids could decide if we wanted to ever see each other again.

So all in all I think it was a good weekend - and my son was an angel! I swear I was like - Holy cow so all the yelling I do has really sunk in - you do hear me! he held my hand, said yes mam and please and Thank you - I could not have been more proud of the lil man he was!

hey hey hey...

2005-06-23T10:36:00.000-04:00

I'm back - I know I have been quite blog deliquent lately but I have not been feeling well and have been very busy at work. so lets see and update...

I am going to the reunion this weekend, I leave tomorrow with my sister, her hubby and my lil man. My hubby will be staying home to tend to the dogs, house and he starts his new job monday so he needs to get stuff done and wants to be rested. Plus we dont want to come back until Monday.

I have such mixed feelings about this trip - I am excited to get away for a little while but I do not look forward to 8 hrs with a 2 1/2 yr old locked in a car seat. Nor am I excited about taking care of him all alone since I am still not feeling so great - I guess I need to thank my Hubby more for all that he does and has done these last few weeks while I have been under the weather. Ds is just such a handful these days - I know its typical toddler stuff and so many people have it so much worse but man can this kid wear you out! LOL.. he is just so busy! I have high hopes that with his beloved Aunt and Uncle in the car he will be on good behavior - but I am not holding my breath, I am however going to Blockbuster after work to get a fe wnew kid movies I know he hasnt seen yet for the trip - and maybe a few oldies we dont own but I know he loves.. some Wiggles ect are sure to drive me right over the edge, not to mention what they will do to my poor sister who has no children! :O) oh well it was HER idea to go!

My other feelings on this trip are more selfish I guess.. I want my dad to see Us and know we did great with out him, that we are wonderful women and realize he missed a lot - I almost want him to feel bad, I know thats not nice and I'm not saying I want to hurt him.. I just want him to see how well my mom did. I know this trip is hurting my moms feelings and that hurts like heck as well, but I need to do this if only so that I can say I tried. Hopefully we can start over with this trip but at the very least I'd like to know I did what I could to start to cleanse my own soul.

well now I am just babbling.. Happy day all! :O)

So,

2005-06-09T15:28:00.000-04:00

In the misdt of my break down yesterday over my Biological dad and my sister I get a call from the man I call Dad a.k.a Papa Bear now technically he is my Best Guy friend Dave's dad but I stole him long ago.

Papa is calling to tell me he will be at Chris Birthday dinner, where is it again.. ect ect.. we get to talking and he says " You know it was one of best days of my life to stand up for you at your wedding" (papa walked me down the aisle) I say " And it ment the world to me!" Dad says " You know your ma and I were just talking about this the other day I am just so sorry I wasnt able to be there for you sooner..I feel like I missed so much with you, I wish I could have been there when you really needed a Dad, like I know you did"

Now this might not seem like a lot to you but for a girl who has wondered 1/2 her life if her own father cared at all that he missed all the little 1st in her life (more so now that I have a son) It ment the world to me to know that even if my own father didnt care (which I dont think is entirely the case) - papa did.

I realized right then and there how overly blessed I am! I have an amazing pair of sisters (whom yes I yell about but I do adore) a wonderful mother who I swear is keeping her halo on in spite of her horns, a Husband who loves me even though I am crazy! A son who wakes up the world with his smile and an extended family (like my Pops ) Who cared about me before they even knew me.. Not even gonna get started on the gaggle of Girl friends I have (old and new) who are ever there for me!!

Ahhh I'm one lucky gal I tell ya!

Dear Diary,

2005-06-08T09:39:00.000-04:00

I am so overwhelmed today. I just dont know where to start.

1st we have this big family reunion on my dad's side the 25th of this month and I really dont know if I want to go or not - We are not close (very long story) he was never there. I have only seen him I think 4 times?? In my life (since I was a about 2) and most of those times ended badly. But I am an adult now, I have a family of my own and am able to realize maybe he did just make a few really bad mistakes and he deserves another chance - at the very least jacob deserves to know his Grandpa right?

I think I am really conflicted because Chris is out of work again and going would mean spending money we just dont have really - not for what amount to be a vacation. UGH.. I hate this -

My dad did offer to help me with money as he really wants me there - but then I am left feeling like this is not who I want him to think I am! I am a smart well educated woman who is normally very on top of her money and even has made some great investments, taking money from him would almost be saying, well my mom sucked and I cant budget so I need your help.. Help.. maybe that is the part I am having the hardest time with - I hate asking for help - I have done great all my life alone and now with my hubby - I hate a hand out. My dad says he feels like he owes at least this to me and maybe he does but I dont want to start a new relationship like this. and then how do you really ask someone I quite honestly dont know that well for money? Do I go there and then say - hey about the money? or do I ask him to send a check - no matter what I do its tacky! My older sister (same dad) is really upset with me cause she wants to go and if I dont go she is having a hard time going - safety in numbers so to speak.

Well I guess I need to ponder a few things, like what would really be the harm is taking money from him? Who would I be hurting besides my pride? Can I let down my guard enough to let him in? What if I dont?? What would I regret more - not going or taking his money to go..

Stolen Blog posting blush

2005-06-06T10:29:00.000-04:00

Well I stole this from Stacies blog (so sorry I am clueless as to how to link to it..) but basically you just fill in the blanks about me..

I ____ Apryl.
Apryl is ____.
Apryl thinks a lot about _______.
When I think of _________, I think of Apryl.
If I were alone in a room with Apryl, I would _______.
I think Apryl should _____.
Apryl needs ______.
I want to ____________ Apryl.
If I could describe Apryl in a word: _______.

Good Morning Sunshine!!

2005-06-03T15:28:00.000-04:00

That is how My sweet Son wakes me up every day - he crawls into my bed and cuddles up next to me and if I dont say it first he will bellow " Good morning Sunshine!" now how can you possibly have a bad day after that? No matter it is raining yet again here in the sunshine state.. I had a wake up call from the gods to day -

DO you ever look at your child(ren)? and think - how was I so blessed to have you? you are perfect, you are sweet, kind and healthy - what more could I ask for? Today was a day like that for me. Now I must in all fairness tell you my son is two so by dinner time he will more than likely be on my hit list, but for now - all love!

I can not wait until we have another one, I know I am probably asking for more than I can handle right now - trying to start the store, and trying to get preg (well we are on hold until dh gets a job) but you KWIM.. just having the idea out there is almost scarey some days - and other days, like this morning, it would be a dream come true!

well until then.. Love what you have with all you've got - night night termite (also a Jacob'ism)

I'm Back!!

2005-06-02T16:31:00.000-04:00

SO I guess free is only great so long as it lasts! LOL.. I did enjoy the ease of photo upload and many other little additions but all in all I just dont see them as being a nec. part of my blog - nice but not manditory..

so anywho - I thought i'd share my most recient blog post here. My friend Pam interviewed me and there were my 5 quest and answers...

1. If you could tell an expectant mother one thing, what would it be? Why?

GO BACK! Dont do it..Why? hello - my son is TWO..

serious answer.. let it go, let it all go - nothing is so important as you today - be happy, and do your best - no-one is perfect and trying to be will only make you crazy, it is ok to be sad it does not make you a bad mother - if you are sad - tell someone, ask for help , dont hold it in and think you suck - you are human, being a mom is HARD but at the end of the day when they look at you, smile at you, say I love you, you know you made the right choice - Why this advice? I wish it would have been told to me2. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? You did your best and now its time for me to take care of the rest, here have a drink.

3. What is your favorite curse word? Shit

4. Pick one: Receiving (tax free) 20 million dollars or guaranteed excellent (disease free) health your entire life. Why?

eek.. that one is hard - 20 mill wont fix all the disease but it would cover some kick butt insurance and allow me to leave a good sum to my DH and DS so they wont ever have to struggle as hard as I did as a child. so I'm going with the money

5. What flavor are you and why?

Phish Food - cause its got it all.. a little sweet, a little fluff, some hardness and all around just happy happy

new blog

2005-05-05T09:16:00.000-04:00

if you need to find me I will be over at typepad.com :O) Its funny how a girl with no blog one day can suddenly have 3 blogs.. I was simply trying to add a photo to my post.. something that shouldnt be so hard or change the entire way your screen looks when you do it.. but it did over here so off I went in hunt of the easy photo upload!

http://www.aprylc.typepad.com

hope to see you soon!

2005-05-04T09:39:00.000-04:00

Testing

I rule!

2005-05-04T09:28:00.000-04:00

woohoo - I am almost smarter than this computer! I have uploaded an image! Granted it took 1/2 the morning and it is a photo from xmas and nothing i really needed to share-- but darn it I did it!!

come to the dark side

2005-05-03T15:31:00.000-04:00

Of M&M's that is! I can not even begin to tell you how incrediably yummy the new dark chocolate M&M's are! and since I am on a quest to eat better and these things are still on my desk - please come to the dark side.. come and take them away - the temptation is to great - no wonder young Luke couldnt resist, the pull to the dark side is strong!

June 20th

2005-05-02T09:43:00.000-04:00

June 20th is the day that the kid driving the car that caused the deaths of two beautiful girls and near death of my sister will go to trial.. or so we think.

It sounds funny to say near death - not haha funny but more like stupid. So much of my beautiful sister did die that day - her youth, her spirit, her will to live. She is not the same girl she was Nov 19th, 2003 - she is a bitter, drug addicted shell of a child who can not remember one moment to the next.. she has moments where the old Sarah shines through, via humor or sarcasim.. but then I notice even her smile is new - her whole face is new, and she is not the same child.

I wish she would have taken a new start and not a downward spiral.. I have to give a victim statement at this jerks trial and I cant stop blaming her as well as him so what can I say to help? it is amazing how the emotions of that day come flooding back to me with the mear mention of one lil date, june 20th.. I have been praying for peace of mind and to let go of the anger I feel - why did she even get in the car with this guy, he had been drinking, she knew better! he had been hit by a drunk driver 3 yrs earlier - my god HE KNEW BETTER! I have so much anger, hurt and bitterness I know I need to deal with but am honestly not sure how to I have taken the 1st step to not enabling my lil sis any longer but that only makes me hurt - I love her I practically raised her since my mother was a single mom of 3 girls and worked 3-4 jobs.. I just need to find peace in allof this.. and I dont know if this kid going away for the rest of his life will help me any - in fact I think it will hurt me - yes he was guilty, but so is she!

blah blah blah

2005-04-28T09:44:00.000-04:00

that is how I feel today!

Yesterday was a busy day and ended with me trying to not kill my dear sweet hubby for asking me where to find something.. it is amazing when I am not there he does just fine, find what he needs and the house in clean and in order - but when I am home you'd think I had to dress him.

I have a ton to do at work today and my morning has been started off with two of our artist bickering over what Theme the client is after and saying "well at Disney.." and I swear if I hear that one more time I'm gonna go mad! THIS IS NOT DISNEY! yes we do work for them and many others, yes this is a design engineering firm, yes we are all creative.. but gesh - we are only and office of 12 not 1200 NOT DISNEY! get over it and yourself - if Disney was so great go back there.. oh yea thats right they out source now - maybe all their dumb ass rules cost to much to keep up!

man I feel better.. ranting is nice!

My life is a game of Frogger

2005-04-26T15:46:00.000-04:00

No really it is.. I spend 1/2 my day trying to avoid getting hit by this deadline or that deadline wondering if I should leave my job and just stay home with my son, wanting to open my own business..and then at the end of the day I sit here wondering why I do any of it?

why did that damn frog ever need to get to the other side? there was never anything better over there, but still he had to go and look and get run over 1/2 the time.

Maybe we as people do that sometimes as well.. constantly going from one place, idea / thought, or job hoping it will be better than the last when at the end of the day all we want is to be back in our small familiar pond sittin on our lilly pads with a nice drink..

I know what you will say - that if you dont go through these motions you are not living you are not experiencing your life, that you have to take risks and make changes sometimes.. but I think it can also be said that by always looking past what you have you never get the chance to experience it - to really enjoy how good you have it, even if it seems to suck right now it will always be better than someone and worse than someone elses life..

so I guess what I'm really asking is, is the journey really that important? what if I'm all out of quarters, then what?

Entitled??

2005-04-25T14:02:00.000-04:00

I would like to know what makes people feel entitled? Why do people block intersections, run red lights, park in the handicap spots? Really - why do they feel they are allowed to do this?

As I tried to leave work Friday night normally a 30 min drive became a 1hr drive.. apparently there was a major screw up on a major road my office complex is off of. One accident at each end basically - so instead of people not blocking the intersection so those of us that could move could move - we were trapped in our comples for over 30 minutes - it took me over 45 minutes to go 1 mile! people were all over the road, in the median, in the flippen flower beds for god sake! and all I want to know is who gave them the fuckin right? who said - "oh you have somewhere to be?, please just do what ever the hell you want to get there cause lord knows what ever I have to do cant be that important.. walk all over me please!" I have never wanted to get out of my car and ask someone "what the fuck gives" more in my life than I did Friday night!

I am finally able to leave my complex and then I get to the major intersection where apparently two cops thought they were directing traffic! PLEASE! the entire intersection was blocked again!! why didnt they just stop traffic in all directions so they could see where to go from there?? I guess that may have been smart is why! so again I am thinking if I get out of my car and ask the cop whatthe fuck he thinks he is doing willI get arrested?? how bad would that look on my resume? is it worth it? why is there a jack ass in the median next to me - WHY does he feel what ever he has to do is more important than what I have to do?? Damn I wanted to ram him!

But I am serious here folks.. why do people feel they are allowed to do this? Was it some cosmic parenting mistake? do their parents know they behave like this? or are some people just horses asses and dont care? I think I might have to conduct a survey next traffic jam I am in.. please stay tuned and what ever you do keep the bail money handy!

so hear me out

2005-04-25T08:46:00.000-04:00

I am a blog addict... I didnt start out this way, really. It started out rather innocent..a friend of mine blogs and sends me her link so now and again I look and see how she is doing.. and this last week I started to click on her links! AHHHH bad idea! one blog lead to another and another and stores and more blogs. and now here I sit with my very own blog.. what to say what to say.....